THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE !

I once discovered the meaning of existence, lying in bed after some excellent Tibetan dope. I couldn't find paper or writing implement so the secret was lost - although I think it was, basically, " I am the carpet, the stone, the bird . .we're all ONE ! " You try telling that to the d.h.s.s., to get extra benefits, and you soon realise the limits of enlightenment ;/

SOME ARE MORE EQUAL . . .

I once tried to blag my way into the V.I.P lounge at Heathrow airport.
The guy on the door said " But you're not a V.I.P."

Without a moments hesitation, I replied, " We're all V.I.P.'s . . No-one is more important than anyone else in this world ".

That made him chuckle. He let me down gently by saying,

" You wouldn't like it in there - it's dull and the people aren't very nice "

HEAVEN'S PETS

My wife's elderly Aunt Betty & Whitney Houston both died this weekend. If it's busy in Heaven, do you think they'll share a room?

Aunt Betty had the same first-name & birth date as Her Majesty the Queen. Things generally turn out better, if you ARE the Queen.

Somebody's deceased dog could, maybe, be their Heaven-pet? It'd be nice to have a dog in Heaven. You wouldn't have to buy any dog-biscuits . . but you could still go for walks.

R.I.P. Nan, Whitney and dog ;]